No Offense To Our Beloved Blondes
A blonde suspects her
boyfriend of cheating on her, so
she goes out and buys a gun. She goes to his apartment
unexpectedly
and when she opens the door she finds him in the arms of a redhead.
Well, the blonde is
really angry.
She opens her purse to take out a gun, and as
she does so, she is overcome with grief.
She takes the gun and
puts it to her own head. The boyfriend yells, "No, honey, don't do
it!!!"
The blonde replies, "Shut up, you're next!"
Two blondes are walking down the street. One notices a compact on the sidewalk and leans down to pick it up.
She opens it, looks in the mirror and says, "Hmm, this person looks familiar."
The second blonde says, "Here, let me see!"
The first blonde hands her the
compact and the second one looks in the mirror and says, "You dummy, it's
me!"
Q: What did the blonde ask
her doctor when he told her she was pregnant?
A: Is it mine?
Q: What did the Blonde name her Zebra?
A: Spot.
Nishnabe Humor
You might be Nishnabe if
every time you see a line you jump in, thinking that you’re getting
commodity cheese.
You might be Nishnabe if your
kids put out frybread for Santa
instead of cookies.
You might be a Techno-Nishnabe if you have a beaded zip drive.
You might be a Techno-Nishnabe if your mouse is covered with frybread grease.
You might be a Techno-Nishnabe if you ask chicks for their email address at Powwows.
What do you call 32 Chippewas in one tent? A full set of teeth.
A little Native American boy asks his chief how babies in their tribe get their names.
The chief replies, "When a baby is
conceived, he is named after the first thing his father sees after making the
baby - like Running-Wolf or Flying-Eagle.
Why do you ask, Broken-Rubber?"
Q: How do Indians know when it's safe to go ice fishing?
A: When all the white guys quit falling through.
Getting Old
A woman rushes to see her doctor, looking very much worried and all strung
out.
She rattles off, "Doctor, take a look at me.
When I woke up this morning, I looked at myself in the mirror
and saw my
hair all wiry and frazzled up, my skin was all wrinkled and pasty, The doctor looks her over for a couple of minutes, then calmly says,
"Well, I can tell you one thing . . . there’s nothing wrong with your eyesight."
Just when I was getting used to yesterday, along came today. At my age the happy hour is a nap. I'm getting so old my friends in heaven will think I didn't make it. How beautiful to do nothing, and rest afterward. My cousin went to get his Social Security started,
but he forgot his
papers on the kitchen table. definite proof.
Redneck Humor
Q: What do a
redneck divorce and a tornado have in common? You might be a redneck if your wife wants to take a bath but you have to move
the transmission from the tub first. You might be a redneck if you shut your car door and your gun makes you a sun-roof. You might be a redneck if it's easier to rotate your home than your TV antenna. You might be a redneck if someone yells "hoe-down" and your wife and her 3 girlfriends drop to the floor! You might be a redneck if you have a house that’s mobile and 14 cars that aren't. You might be a redneck when you have 7 cars in your driveway, but only 1 that works. How does a redneck find out how rich he is? He mows his yard. What was the last thing the redneck said before he died? "Hey, Y'all, watch this!"
Society's Burning Questions If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
my eyes were blood-shot and bugging out,
and I had this corpse-like look on my face! What's wrong with me, Doctor?"
The lady at the Social Security office told him he needed proof of
birth before they could get things started.
He pulled up his shirt and said, “Don’t these grey hairs on my chest
prove I’m 65?”
She said, “All right sir, I believe you, but we must have
You’ll need to bring in your birth certificate.”
He goes back home and his wife says,
“I know you didn’t get the Social
Security started.
Your papers are laying right here.”
“Oh, I got it started,” he says.
“How did you do that?” she asked.
“I just showed them the grey hairs on my chest,” he says.
His wife says, “You fool, you should have pulled down your pants and gotten
disability, too.
A: Either way somebody loses a trailer home!
You might be a red neck if you go to family reunions to pick up chicks!
You might be a redneck if you've been married three times and your in-laws haven’t changed.
If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
If a man says something in the woods and there are no women there, is he still wrong?
Last night I played a blank tape at full blast. The mime next door went nuts.
If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
When blonds have more fun, do they actually know it?